What Most People Get Wrong About Confidence in Sport

Most people think confidence is something athletes have or don’t have.

They look at the player who walks onto the field with swagger - the one who doesn’t seem bothered by mistakes - and assume confidence is a personality trait. Something you’re born with or without.

That belief quietly shapes how athletes are coached and parented every day.

But it’s wrong.

Confidence in sport is not a feeling you protect or a mood you have on the field.

It’s a skill you build. Brick by brick. Thought by thought. Rep by rep.

As a sport psychology practitioner, and someone who has spent nearly two decades in athletics and education, I see this misunderstanding everywhere - especially with parents who care strongly and want to do the right thing for their child in sport.

But confidence actually is the ability to trust yourself through uncertainty. To coach yourself in the moment.

Not when things are going well. Or when outcomes don’t matter. But when it’s hardest to meet the moment and create success. 

Most athletes don’t struggle because they lack belief. They struggle because their confidence has been built on conditions.

Many athletes are taught and conditioned to feel confident when they score or when they receive positive feedback from coaches. That kind of confidence is fragile by design because it depends on other people and outside events to exist.

And parents often unintentionally reinforce it.

We praise outcomes.

We rush to fix mistakes.

We try to protect our kids from disappointment and failure because watching them hurt or struggle is hard.

But confidence doesn’t grow while protected.

It grows in the struggle. In the resilience to fight again.

The athletes who develop durable confidence learn how to stay engaged and regulate emotions when things aren’t going well. They train their minds to stay in the moment and right the ship when it’s hard. They trust themselves and coach themselves through the struggle.

That’s not talent. It’s training.

Parents play a powerful role here. What they consistently model over time gets acknowledged and repeated.

Do we emphasize effort or outcomes? Do we allow struggle or rush in to fix it? Do we treat mistakes as feedback or as threats?

The goal isn’t to raise confident athletes who never doubt themselves. That doesn’t exist. The goal is to raise athletes who know what to do when the hard moments show up.

That’s the work beneath the surface. It’s less visible, but that’s where confidence is built.

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