I Love to Watch You Play
While summer is still with us, the days are slipping by faster than ever. Before we know it, the long evenings filled with bike rides, ice cream runs, and campfires will give way to the familiar rhythms of back-to-school shopping and backpacks brimming with books.
As someone who has worked nearly two decades in the world of education, I welcome this transition with excitement and enthusiasm. No matter how many first days of school I experience, I enjoy the new energy and anticipation that accompanies a fresh slate.
The return to school also signals the start of the fall sports season -- a time that brings both energy and a little bit of chaos to many households, including mine. Juggling practice schedules, games, and schoolwork is not always easy, but this season also brings countless opportunities for growth, teamwork, and meaningful memories. As we begin to shift our focus toward the coming season, it’s a great time to reflect on how we can support our students and set the tone for a positive and successful year ahead.
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People can fill one of four roles at a sporting event: player, coach, spectator, or official. This is a zero-sum situation -- you may only occupy one role. Each role comes with its own responsibilities, boundaries and authority.
A player is there to perform and compete in the game. A coach guides, strategizes and provides the overall direction of the team. A spectator’s role is to observe and cheer, not to interfere. And lastly, an official is tasked with maintaining fairness and enforcing rules while honoring the integrity of the game.
When someone tries to straddle roles, such as a spectator yelling instructions as if they're coaching, or a player trying to argue and make calls like an official, it creates confusion and undermines the integrity of the event. These hybrid roles are disruptive. They blur lines of authority, leading to conflict and distractions.
Many of us are familiar with a sport parent who yells instructions to their child from the sidelines. These comments may come from a place of love, support, and a desire to help their child succeed. But despite good intentions, this behavior can have unintended consequences.
When parents coach from the sidelines they put their child in a confusing position. The child is caught between two authority figures: the coach, who is responsible for the team’s strategy and development, and the parent, who holds emotional power and connection. In that moment, the child must choose which voice to follow and which one to disregard… causing inner conflict and self-doubt. Moreover, children may be embarrassed when they feel as though they’re being micromanaged in front of their teammates. Instead of enjoying the game and improving their skills, they may begin to associate sports with anxiety or disappointment.
A healthier role for parents is that of a supportive spectator -- someone who cheers, praises effort, and reinforces values like teamwork and respect. The best way to help a child grow through sports is to let the coach coach, the player play, and the game unfold as it should. Enjoyment is the number one reason children participate in sports, so the more fun the environment, the greater the experience and overall level of motivation to continue to participate.
Also – a good coach will not correct every mistake or misstep their players make. (How would you feel if your supervisor corrected you every time you didn’t complete something perfectly?) A large part of learning and growth happens through experience. Great coaches will encourage their players to create solutions and opportunities to improve. By yelling instructions or making constant corrections, sideline parents undermine a child’s ability to solve problems on the field themselves – which is a major component of growth in sport and life.
If you are now wondering what to say to your child after a practice or game, you’re not alone. I hear this question a lot. Ultimately, it’s important to praise the effort and the courage it took to compete. Not everything is going to go our way. That’s the beauty of sport – the result is never guaranteed, and it’s beyond our control.
A safe, encouraging, and confidence-boosting phrase? I love to watch you play.
These six words validate a young athlete’s participation as-is. No correction. No pointers or criticism. Not even praising a six-goal performance on a soccer field. They simply honor the performance and the child for how they showed up.
Have fun out there this fall!
Carry on.